The latest in our series…

The People of the Park

Gold Star Family

A Visit with the Palmers

By Dale Dauten

Shelly was living in Great Falls, Montana, a junior at Charles Russell High (a school, she tells us, that having been built on what was once a stockyard, is known to locals as “Cowpie High”). A family moved in across the street and she became friends with their two youngest boys. It turns out that those two boys were Brad’s younger brothers, and when Brad came home from college for the summer, he met Shelly and the two started dating. He proposed and she wanted to say “yes,” but there was the issue of her age, only being a Junior in high school, and of her telling her mother. Unable to figure out a way to start that mother-daughter talk, Shelly left out a catalog from Zale’s Jewelry, open to the wedding rings. It worked: Mom asked Shelly, “You trying to tell me something?” And that led to an agreement: graduate before getting married. Shelly graduated on May 28 and married on June 26. As she put it, “We sent out graduation announcements and wedding invitations almost at the same time.” The Palmers will celebrate their 50 year wedding anniversary this coming June.

The Palmers then and now (at a recent country-western dance at Silveridge)

THE CAREER YEARS

We mentioned that Brad met Shelly when he came home from college for the summer. That was him coming back from college permanently, having decided that after his Freshman year on a football scholarship to the Butte School of Mines that he “wasn’t college material.” But he would eventually learn that he was career material, and leadership material, too. Brad went to work for a welding supply company and, after 17 years, it led to a job in Colorado as a warehouse manager, then operations manager, and then into sales, which included a move to Leadville, Colorado. It was there that he was hired by Lake County and rose to be Public Works Director — that meant he was in charge of roads and bridges, the recreation department, the landfill, and when the County decided they wanted to take over the airport, that was his, too. (That last assignment got him invited to speak at an FAA conference, and also took him to Washington, DC, where he met with Transportation Secretary Elaine Chow.) When Brad hit the age of 65, he’d been working for 53 years, and he declared, “That’s it. I’m done.”

Meanwhile, Shelly had a career of her own. She started in retail — at a Montgomery Wards store – but ended up taking off a few years when the couple’s two sons were young. She next landed a job in Accounting with a ski resort, followed by what became her favorite assignment, working for a foundation: “Instead of dealing with customer problems, donors were giving money away.” Eventually, she, too, ended up working for Lake County, but in the Treasurer’s office. That’s where she stayed until Brad resigned and she decided to join him in retirement.

DOWNSIZE

Retirement brought a new challenge: a massive downsizing. The couple left the house they’d lived in for 25 years and moved into their fifth-wheel. As Brad put it, “You learn to thin out.” Moreover, he offered this challenge, and with it an insight into accumulation:

“Count the coffee cups in your cupboard.”

A GOLD STAR FAMILY

But that takes us to a topic that is not just hard, but the hardest one of all: losing a child. And losing a healthy, full-of-life son who was serving his country. In the case of the Palmers, it was one of their two sons, killed while a Marine deployed in Iraq.

The older of the two boys, Dustin, served in the U.S. Navy, including a tour on an aircraft carrier that took him around the world. The younger son, Nick, announced as a Junior in high school that he, too, wanted to serve, but as a Marine. This was a few years after 9/11 and Nick “wanted to make a difference.” Brad tells us that Nick used to joke about his role as a combat engineer, calling them, “masters of construction and deconstruction.” However…

Deployed to Iraq in 2006, Nick was seven months into a nine month tour, when he volunteered to take the turret in a Humvee sent to look for IEDs near Fallujah. While on patrol, Nick was fatally shot by a sniper.

Back in Colorado, Brad and Shelly were at home, getting ready for a Christmas party for Brad’s Public Works team at the County. The doorbell rang and Brad glimpsed a pair of people, dressed up, and recalls calling to Shelly to answer the door, saying, “I think they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses.” No. They began with some of the most awful words parents can hear: “Are you the parents of…”

While no one ever recovers fully from such a blow, the Palmers had the solace of shared grief from every corner of the country and beyond. It took two weeks to get Nick home. The military planned to have him arrive at Denver on Christmas Day, which no one felt was acceptable, including the CEO of American Airlines who called Shelly to promise to get him home before Christmas. And when his casket was transported home, hundreds lined the street as it passed by.

A memorial service was held at the largest facility in town, the high school auditorium, but 5000 seats weren’t enough – an overflow facility was required. And in came “a laundry basket full of letters from all over the country.” There’s also a section of highway named for Nick, called the Fallen Heroes Highway.

The support has continued, as has Brad’s willingness to speak at Memorial Day events and other gatherings. Brad adds, “It’s my mission in life today: that he’s never forgotten.”

As for the folks at Silveridge, he says, “Anyone wants to hear our story, we’ll tell it.” It’s a heartbreaking story, but one with a message for us all.

(That’s Brad’s mom, Doreen, a longtime resident at Silveridge, next to Shelly)